The keyword “slam” is trending now due to the increased attention on major tennis events, particularly the Australian Open and player achievements. Recently, Roger Federer discussed Carlos Alcaraz’s pursuit of a career Grand Slam in an interview, highlighting the significance of this goal in tennis and its impact on the legacy of emerging stars. This conversation has captured the interest of fans, leading to a surge in searches related to “slam.”
Additionally, Alcaraz’s ambitions to maintain his position within the No. 1 Club while potentially completing a career Grand Slam at the upcoming Australian Open have garnered significant media coverage. This narrative appeals to tennis enthusiasts who are closely following Alcaraz’s trajectory, contributing to the heightened search volume around the term “slam.”
Moreover, the news that amateur player Jordan Smith won the Australian Open’s 1 Point Slam, securing $1 million, adds another layer to the topic’s relevance. This unique event draws attention to the various ways “slam” is being defined and experienced in tennis, thereby amplifying public inquiries into the term and related content.
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H
Show him you’re serious by literally divorcing him, because it sounds like nothing else is going to work. ADHD isn’t an excuse for this kind of behavior.
N
As a person with ADHD I can tell you it might be the explanation for him forgetting things, but all the rest of what I read is just him being an absolute prick.
P
Real. My partner has ADHD. I’m the person to remember appointments and things like that, he can be forgetful, but he’s not incompetent. A lot of his is about executive dysfunction so he struggles to start tasks but the way we work is that doing things parallel works well. Work we’ve brought home or chores we need to do happen at the same time alongside each other. You just figure out what works, and your partner has to *want* to. Sounds like this guy doesn’t.
W
Body doubling works a treat for the attention deficit part. Such a simple accommodation.
P
It really does! Sometimes if he just has work to do he’ll summon me so I’m just ‘there’ while he’s tapping away. I also, if he goes into hyper-focus which he sometimes does when working, will do things like bring food + drink so he doesn’t lose momentum. I’ll give little time reminders too.
E
Severe ADHD here, this is perfect and your understanding this is awesome. I have the same issue, I can’t for the life of me motivate myself to do something I don’t really want to do. If someone around me starts it though, I can easily accomplish whatever it is. It’s so frustrating, but having a partner that understands it and helps you out, it’s just amazing. Instead of feeling like a failure they make me feel like the perfect team.
H
Same with my husband and I. I also manage the bills because my husband can be late or miss payments. If its his night to cook, I sit in the kitchen and chat with him while he is cooking. Its helpful because I can see on his face when he forgets what he was doing and Ill just be like “you were opening that jar but you grabbed a knife” lol.
T
Lmfao “you were opening that jar but you grabbed a knife” is so real 🤣 I wish I had a second me to look out for that kind of thing. My bf also has adhd so he doesn’t notice or remember either.
P
Aha we have that ‘this is what you were doing’ the most when it’s conversations lol. I’m often summoned to the kitchen too as he’s the main cook.
2
My spouse and I both have ADHD. >You just figure out what works, and your partner has to *want* to. Sounds like this guy doesn’t. So. Much. This.
F
exactly this. me and my partner both have quite bad adhd. he finds some tasks easier and so do i so we swap off with each other. if someone feels more active one day they will take on tasks while other rests. or we do them together with body doubling. yes it’s hard and the house can end up quite messy if we both slack a little but usually we are willing to help the other person out when asked, it just takes extra effort for us both to start things and carry them through OPs husband needs to get better treatment and stop using ADHD for an excuse.
S
ADHD is on a wide spectrum. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean everyone should be like them. That’s like saying, since Elon Musk has autism and can create hundreds of billions of dollar businesses, a non verbal person with autism is faking it.
P
That’s not what I mean. I understand it’s a spectrum, and I understand that that spectrum is a wheel of various traits that affect lived experience differently. I’m also saying that, he is still an adult man in a marriage. She’s voiced her concerns, and they’re a partnership. His difficulties are valid but there is most likely an overlap Venn diagram here between *what elements are from his ADHD* and which elements are from *my wife will sort this*. Additionally, she signed up to be a wife, not a mother – hence the post.
B
He isnt even diagnosed, he could just be an asshole. If he really cared the least he could do is see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis then go from there.
T
This. I despise, unexplainably so, as a person with ADHD how much others use it as a cop out for their shitty behavior. I don’t use it as an excuse, husband sounds like an infantilized shite. OP, give yourself the peace you need by dipping out.
B
Yep same here I didn’t get diagnosed until around 30 but I’ve been on treatment ever since. And why WHY is it always undiagnosed in these posts. Makes it really look like it is just being used as an excuse.
T
I got dx in adolescence alongside PMDD. It gives into the already tainted stigma about neurodivergence, which groups us into a majority we are not part of because we don’t scapegoat ourselves with a disorder we didn’t ask for. I feel the same way about autism too.
B
Yeah I agree it does make it more difficult for all of us that put in the effort to properly manage it. At least OP did put in the post that its undiagnosed. So many of these you don’t find that out until 3 hours and 500 comments later. It does change the whole scenario. Maybe he does have ADHD, but maybe he doesn’t and he has something else. Maybe he isnt neurodivergent at all and is just selfish and knows that he can fuck up because OP will pick up the slack.
P
It’s because people who have the means to get diagnosed and are willing to put in the work of getting a diagnosis will have at least a little bit of humility and empathy. It takes a lot to accept that you may need help to function or even exist peacefully alongside other humans, and it’s nearly impossible if you’re a jerk. That’s why the people who are stuck with jerks tend to write more posts seeking relationship advice from internet strangers.
S
As a person with severe adhd, I concur. This is just him lacking any sort of accountability and thinks that words will placate her when he has zero intention of doing the work on himself. Get a fucking planner ffs
N
I have mental health issues and this is exactly how my therapist years ago told me to frame it. My mental health *explains* my actions, but does not *excuse* them. It’s my responsibility to manage my mental health in a way that prevents me from emotional outbursts and other negative behaviors. The outbursts will likely still happen occasionally, but it doesn’t make them ok. It’s not a reason to be a shitty person.
R
Also even if it was all ADHD then the fact he doesn’t seem to want to get diagnosis and help for it, when it seems he would be able to, just shows he doesn’t care how his behavior affects others.
H
This is it. You can have “insert medical issue here” and still be a wankstain.
W
Seriously. If you want to show him you’re serious you present him with the divorce papers your lawyer drew up. It’s pretty fucking straightforward!
I
Exactly. ADHD explains difficulty, not entitlement or tantrums. When words are ignored, the only thing left that communicates seriousness is action.
A
Right? Why is this a question? Go to a lawyer and start the process.
B
It also isnt diagnosed. He may very well have it but he so just may not give a shit in general. If he really DID care about OP and his marriage hed go see a professional and if he were to get diagnosed hed start treatment.
C
Right? Since when the hell does ADHD prevent divorces? Where in the divorce papers does it list “ADHD” as a reason for or against divorce? I fail to see where this random personal information has relevance to the subject.
A
Another person with ADHD chiming in here. It is incumbent upon me as an adult human being do you understand my phone challenges, abilities, limitations, and skills, and to figure out how to functional and responsible in the world. This is true regardless of what conditions I live with, including ADHD. The condition creates particular challenges, and those challenges are no different than any others I might live with, in the sense that it is on me to be aware of them and learn how to work with them. This is both for my benefit and the benefit of those around me. The same is also true for your partner. His flakiness and irresponsibility is not because he has adhd, but because he is flaky and irresponsible. Believe me, there are ways to set up all kinds of systems, reminders, some sort of structure that will make ADHD manageable. What that looks like depends on the person, but in this case your partner is choosing to use his condition as an excuse for being irresponsible and entitled.
W
What is stopping you from filing for divorce?
N
Exactly, you don’t need permission to divorce him. Get your affairs in order, make a plan, get a lawyer and divorce him. To be in a (consensual) relationship you need two willing people. To end a relationship you only need one.
T
absolutely and I told her same.
S
Seriously, she’s acting like the reason they’re still together is because he throws a temper tantrum then comes back and acts normal. No girl, the reason you’re still married is because YOURE DOING NOTHING. Look him in the eye and say you want out all day; that doesn’t mean anything. Get a lawyer, write up the paper work, separate your finances, cancel the utilities and services in your name. End the lease, get a new place to stay. DO SOMETHING. The only person keeping you in this marriage is *you*. Step up for yourself and do it.
R
I REALLY hope she answers this question. And/or hopefully has already filed.
M
this is such a weird ass post
P
This is not meant as a dig, but I think it’s worth thinking about whether or not you actually want to divorce him. I say this because if you really wanted that, you wouldn’t be concerning yourself with making him ‘understand’ that you want it, you would just serve the papers. It sounds like what you want is a reaction from him – like you want him to care rather than have a tantrum. To be clear, that’s completely reasonable and human! But he’s not giving you the reaction and maybe it’s beginning to sound like an empty threat? If you really want to divorce him, just do it and don’t worry about whether or not he’s fully computing the gravity of the situation.
P
She wants him to understand her point, turn around and say he’ll change. He’ll list how and do it and the marriage will be saved. Unfortunately this doesn’t sound like one of those scenarios.
C
Exactly this. OP has mentioned divorce several times, clearly the threat doesn’t work. So if that’s what she actually wants, and not just for him to notice her struggles and change his behaviour, she needs to get up and actually leave.
B
Op loves him, but can’t live this way. So either the love needs to die, or it needs to become more unbearable. I’m unfortunately speaking from experience.
D
Same. I’m living it rn too. He’s changed somewhat, but not enough, so things are still unbearable for me. I ended up leaving yesterday. His reaction was to yell at me to “go live somewhere fucking else” if I’m going to, but *technically* he’d rather I stay. Like, jesus, sweep me off my feet why don’t you? So I left. 15 years in the trash. I’m furious at him. How about you?
N
Good for you. I’m glad you got out and I hope you stay out. How are you feeling? In my case, I went 8 years without marrying him and could never bring myself to even move in together. Perpetually dating. He wanted to take the next step, but we happened to live a block apart in a major city, and that was good enough for me. I couldn’t do it. I knew I would end up doing all the work. I saw how he lived in his flat and didn’t want that energy (or lack of, lmao) in mine. My instincts just said no. In the end, it was still so many years wasted. I read this elsewhere: if you can’t see yourself happy with exactly who he is RIGHT NOW, you gotta walk. Invest in who a person is today, not the “potential” of tomorrow.
P
If you get the explanation you want and he promises to change, how long until you’re divorcing anyway?
D
Stop telling him you want a divorce and just get the fucking divorce already.
I
Top comment, right here.
F
You contact an attorney, learn your rights and plan your future. You don’t need his permission or agreement
B
This. You told him, go get it done. So long as “temper tantrum” isn’t a euphemism for he’s violent, let him pout. He doesn’t need to understand it, you don’t have to wait until he gives you a go-ahead.
U
Because it seems like you’re bluffing. Are you or are only men allowed to file for divorce in your country? I know there are some cultures that still have these rules too. Just asking because I don’t understand why you haven’t left if that’s what you really want. It sounds like you want him to change instead. Threatening him is not going to do anything. You cannot control others.
L
To be as blunt as possible: Shit or get off the pot. He’s doesn’t have to understand that you want a divorce. You need to make it happen. You don’t owe him sympathy or empathy. All he sees is someone who’s making empty threats, so it’s business as usual.
V
You don’t need him to take it seriously, you can just go ahead and start the divorce and yes move out. He doesn’t have to understand or accept it. He will understand once you’re gone.
J
How do you show him and make him understand that you want a divorce? FILE FOR DIVORCE. What are you waiting around for? Seriously, OP you’ve made up your mind. As Nike says, Just Do It. He IS NOT going to change. Ever. Stop waiting around. Why are you dragging this out? Yes you pack and move out. Tomorrow. You’re acting like a toddler here. Get your act together already. updateme
Additional Sources:
ESPN – Roger Federer talks Alcaraz’s Slam quest, ‘legend’ Serena
ATP Tour – Alcaraz chases No. 1 Club history as Career Grand Slam looms at Australian Open
